Disappointment

Since discovering my autoimmune disease, disappointing people happens far to often. It is never a personal slight, I am just too tired, feel bad and or no energy. Rest often, especially since I have to work. I do have to work, not only to support my family, but my peace of mind. I trick myself a lot, when it is very difficult to go to work, I say to myself, "If it is to bad, I can leave.". That very rarely happens, I end up working overtime.

My own time, it is different, I have to rest to go back to work. During the week, I miss most outside activities and do not want to do anything on Sundays. Just stay at home and rest and work on housework.

I am so attuned to the look in the eyes and wondering why I am not joining people from work or family. I just endure and try to understand from their point of view. Quick to judge I sometimes can be myself. I have to look out for my health, no one else will.

My spouse does understand, he may be the only one. He sees how hard it is for me to get out of bed, and how tired I am after work. He looks out for me, and often has to explain to others, that it is the real deal. This what God has given me, and I will not ask why, I just know that he has a plan for me. God never said it was going to be a piece of cake, and I will live my life and enjoy what I have, even though I disappoint others.